Archive for the "Discipline" Category

Nurturing and Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Posted by: ArtInShamrocksin Discipline, Parenting Teens, self-esteem
9
Jul

We all know these things but sometimes it just helps to reread them or think about them in a little different matter.  Raising kids takes a lot of rethinking and analyzing what you are doing-both good and bad.  Providing for a child’s physical needs (food, shelter, clothing) is fairly straightforward but trying to provide for their emotional needs can be lots trickier.  Here’s a few general guidelines for nurturing your child so that they grow into a happy emotionally healthy adult.

Listen to your child-provide comfort and assurance and encourage questions.  Be willing to talk about any subject.
 
Look at the example you are setting-could your own problem-solving and coping skills use some work?
 
Respect your child’s feelings-encourage your child to express his or her feelings.  Let them know that everyone experiences pain, anger, anxiety, sadness and fear. Try to figure out where the source of the feelings are coming from.
 
Promote mutual respect and trust-even if you are angry keep your voice level low.  Try to keep communication channels open.
 
Foster your child’s talents and accept their limitations.  Set goals on your child’s abilities and interests and not on someone else’s expectations.  It’s hard but don’t compare your child to other children or siblings.  
 
Spend time with your child regularly.
 
Help your child become independent and deal with life’s ups and downs.  Show confidence in your child’s ability to handle problems and tack new experiences. 
 
Be aware of the different stages of development so you don’t expect too much or too little from your child.
 
Always discipline constructively, fairly and consistently.  Use discipline as a form of teaching and not physical punishment.  Look for positive behaviors and show approval for those.  We all learn best by our mistakes.  Set limits before problems arise.
 
Love unconditionally.  Teach high moral standards and the value of cooperation, patience and apologies.  Teach forgiveness and consideration of others.
 
Do not expect to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job.
 
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To Whine or Not to Whine

Posted by: ArtInShamrocksin Discipline, Parenting Teens, Toddlers
8
Jun

Got a child who whines?   Take a deep breath and try one of the following:

Rule out any medical causes for the whining-like pain or illness.

Try to figure out what is behind your child’s high pitched pleas.

Remember that you child is asking for attention and not just trying to annoy you. Children whine to get a parent’s attention so think about ways you can give them this attention before the whining starts.

Say something like, “I don’t like when you whine.  If you want a glass of milk then ask me like this.”  Model the way you want your child to ask for something.  Also praise a child when they request something the right way telling them you liked the way they asked for a story or apple.

Ask yourself if you have been busier than usual or has your child’s routine changed.  Reconnect with your child and give them extra love and attention.

All children whine at one time or another.  Actually most adults do too.  It’s a learned behavior.  A smaller child might throw a tantrum but a older child who has more self control is likely to whine.  Respond to that first bid for attention if you can and don’t wait until the child is really in distress.  Most important is not giving into the whining request even if it’s a reasonable request…because that reinforces to the child that whining gets them their way. 

 

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Time-outs for Toddlers

Posted by: ArtInShamrocksin Discipline, New Moms, Toddlers, Uncategorized
6
Jun

If your toddler is very distressed by a simple time-out for bad behavior it can be hard for a parent to take.  However, before you decide not to use this as a discipline tool, keep in mind that his reaction is actually a clue that it is working.  There are ways though that you can make these lessons a little less painless for you and your child and still discipline your child with love and logic.

Work towards good behavior-try to circumvent bad behavior and the need for discipline before it happens.  Provide him with lots of interesting activities and loving interaction with you throughout the day and make routines fun.  By minimizing your child’s frustration you alleviate some of the possibilities for bad behavior. Don’t forget that frequent meals, enough sleep and some cuddling can help toddlers (and their parents) better manage their emotions.

Reserve time-outs for the worst behaviors,such as hitting or biting.  If time-outs are being used more than once or twice a day, there may a problem with your expectations of his abilities. 

Tailor the time-out to your child’s personality.  Some children calm down seconds after being disciplined while others take longer. Watch your child’s body and when she relaxes a bit and her crying has subsided, then get her out of time-out and into a favorite activity.  Also try to find a way to praise her shortly after the time-out and always give hugs and love. A child must realize that it’s the behavior that you find fault with and not them.

Any disciple method takes time and requires patience and consistency to see if it’s working.  Give this method about four weeks.  If you don’t see improvement then consider other factors like gaps in language or eye-hand coordination.  Perhaps it’s just a stage the child is going through or something stressful going on in the home or daycare.  Talk to your pediatrician if you are concerned about aggressive behavior that does not respond to firm but loving discipline.

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Summer Means Swim Time for Kids

Posted by: ArtInShamrocksin Discipline, Parenting Teens, Toddlers, education, safety, toys
27
May
Nothing says summer like water!!!  Taking a dip in the pool, going to the splash park, trips to the beach, floating the river, boating or just playing in the a wading pool.  Water however poses one of the season’s biggest safety hazards.  Sorry to say, the National Safety Council says that children under four have the highest death rate due to drowning and 64% of theses deaths happen in the summer months.
 
Constant supervision is the key to safety.  Don’t let your kids near water unless you have the time to watch them, no matter what your child’s skill level is and no matter how deep the water is.  When it comes to protecting children from drowning, nothing works better than good old fashioned vigilance.  If you sunning, reading a book or talking to another parent, then you are not actively supervising.  Do not totally relax even if there is a life guard on duty.  Even a few seconds of inattention can lead to disaster for children around water. 
 
Here’s a few safety tips:
 
1.  Enroll children in a water safety course early but keep in mind 
     that the American Academy of Pediatrics says most kids aren’t
     ready for swimming lessons until after their
     fourth birthday.
 
2.  Do not allow children who cannot swim to use inflatable toys 
     such as water wings or mattresses unless you are in the water
     with them.  When boating everyone should use approved life
     jackets ALL the time.
 
3.  If you have your own pool you need to create and enforce
     safety rules.
 
4.  Take a CPR course; it could save your child’s life!
 
5.  Never leave kids alone near water and keep a watchful eye on
     them at all times even if you are at a public pool with a life
     guard on duty.  Encourage children to watch out for
     each other too.
 
6.  Be respectful of the ocean and beach because conditions can
     change rapidly and become dangerous.
 
Also realize that children are fascinated with water and can get a little too excited.  Don’t rely on their judgement as to their swimming ability or if they can handle deeper water.  Also watch for rough play that is getting out of hand in the pool.
 
 
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The Average Toddler Hears “NO” 400 Times A Day!

Posted by: ArtInShamrocksin Discipline, New Moms, Toddlers
19
May
 This is an astonishing fact and not only tiresome for you but it can also be harmful to your child.  Children who hear “no” too much have higher frustration levels, anxiety and poorer language skills.  Saying “no” too much becomes ineffective and many kids simply start to tune you completely out or throw tantrums the minute the dreaded syllable is heard.  Not responding to “no” is also dangerous from a safety perspective.
 
So what is a parent to do?  Parents need to break out of the yes/no tug-of-war by coming up with new ways to set limits.  Here are a couple suggestions:
 
*Show and Tell-often children are not doing things on purpose and need to be shown gently how to do something else more appropriate.  For instance a young child who might be hitting the cat or poking the baby sister should be told “gentle” while you guide her hand in a stroking motion or show her how to carefully kiss the baby.  Some children can’t stop what they are doing because they don’t know what to do instead.
 
*Give the child a choice-instead of saying the no word offer him an option.  For kids between 1 and 3 years of age this encourages them to develop a sense of independence and competence.  Instead of saying, “No bubble blowing in the house,” try saying “You can blow bubbles in the bathroom tub or on the patio-your choice.  Instead of saying, “No throwing the ball in the living room,” try “you can roll the ball in the house or throw it in the backyard”-your choice.
 
*Say YES sort of-try rephrasing the “no” as a “yes”.  Say “yes, you can have ice cream after dinner.  Let’s go find a cracker for now.”
 
*Explain yourself simply-consider explaining to your child why her behavior is so bothersome to you or other people.  Show your child that what she does affects people around her.  It may take awhile for her to develop empathy and concern for others but reminding her of someone else’s perspective will help her along later.
 
*Say NO like you mean it - Little ones learn the meaning of the word “no” largely from the tone of your voice.  Say it less often but with a firm tone.  You can also develop a look or penetrating glare or a simple finger point that immediately signals the child that it’s time to stop.
 
Always help your child find other fun activities and redirect their attention.  Stay connected with your child and try to relax and not get into a power struggle.  They are only little once and they have so much to learn.
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